Family and missing mom...

So some of you may know that I lost my mom last year to lupus.  It has been really hard on all of us.  I am finding that I haven't really grieved over her loss this whole year, and now it is really hitting me hard.  The loss feels brand new still, and lately I haven't been able to keep the tears from flowing.  Though the week mom died, I read an amazing blog post from Lil Blue Boo about when she lost her dad.  I have read that same blog post nearly every day.  Here's the thing.  I have a huge family. No, really.  I mean it. HUGE. It happens in split families like adopted families.  I was blessed enough to be able to locate my birth mom around my eighteenth birthday and slowly get to know her and my dad again after thirteen years.  And for twelve years I did.  We got especially close the past six years or so.  Especially once B and I married and had Mu.  I feel incredibly blessed for her to have been able to see me get married and have my son.  She had an awesome relationship with B.  Her love for her grandson knew no bounds. He was the apple of her eye and I truly believe she fought to stay with us the last year to be able to spend more time getting to know Mu and loving on him.
      I miss her though, we would spend hours on the phone just talking and laughing over Mu's newest antics. Or we might just chat about something I was concerned over.  She might just encourage me about some insecurity I was going through as a new mom.  When I was going through PPD, mom talked me down from the ledge most days.  I will always be grateful for these past few years that I really was able to come to know her as a person.
    My adopted mom is a great person, and I am so glad that I am able to work on our relationship still. She absolutely adores Mu and she really likes B.  Both really important to me.  She was actually there when Mu was born.  It was an absolute amazing experience for all of us.  Momma Paige is becoming someone I am growing to respect more and more. I see now since becoming a mom myself how much she gave of herself to have us become a family.
     Most of my family are really great people, and I wish I could spend more time with them all getting to know more about them.  I am really shy though.  I seem really extroverted, but I am not!  I miss hanging out with my cousins and other extended family members. I am hoping to try to work on relationships this year, and learn when it's time to let go if necessary. Praying that it will be a fruitful year and many new experiences gained.

3viee